The quality of our speech.

Countless words fill our days—casual banter with friends, important discussions at work, heartfelt exchanges with loved ones. Amid this constant stream of words, have you ever paused to consider the impact and content of your speech? It turns out that not all talk is created equal. Each word we utter carries weight, a power to shape our reality and the lives of those around us.

In Pirkei Avot 1:16, Shimon his son offers profound wisdom: “All my days I grew up among the Sages and did not find anything better for one’s person than silence… and whoever engages in excessive talk brings on sin.” Maimonides clarifies that while speaking when necessary is important, some speech is unnecessary or even harmful, and in such cases, silence is preferable. Furthermore, the Lubavitcher Rebbe teaches that speaking words of Torah brings actual physical healing to the person and their surroundings.

Let’s briefly delve into the five categories of speech plus silence that permeate our daily lives, and reflect on the quality and quantity of our words. May we be inspired to adjust our speech – whether increasing or decreasing it – in each category as needed. Let’s aim to speak with intention and kindness, using our words to spread positivity and upliftment to the world and those around us.

  • COMMANDED
    Speech we are commanded to speak
    Example: “And you shall speak of them” words of Torah
    Goal: Increase
  • FORBIDDEN
    Speech we are forbidden to speak
    Examples: False testimony, lies, gossip, curses
    Goal: Decrease
  • DISCOURAGED
    Speech that is discouraged
    Example: Brings no benefit to a person, idle talk Disparaging positive virtue, or acclaiming an undesirable trait
    Goal: Decrease
  • DESIRABLE
    Speech that is desirable
    Examples: – Derech Eretz – “the way of the world”
    • Praise of positive virtues and intellectual or ethical values, avoidance of vulgar attributes
    • Inspiring stories or ideas that are delivered by speeches or songs
    • Praise of the wise, stories of pious people
    Goal: Increase
  • NEUTRAL
    Speech that is left to our discretion
    Example: Matters concerning business, livelihood, and every day living
    Goal: Decrease
  • SILENCE
    Keeping quiet, not responding
    Goal: Increase

So, where do you find yourself in each of these areas of speech?

Assess how much your speech falls into each type. What percentage of your speech during the day is spent in each category?

Now try to stretch yourself so that you can increase or decrease your speech in each area as appropriate. Be realistic; set goals that you can actually accomplish.

Think about specific times in your day where you can implement these changes. Consider your typical pitfalls and plan how you will mitigate them.

At the end of each day, or at least weekly, reflect on how you did and identify areas for improvement. How were your words received? How did you manage your time and relationships?

At the end of the month, set new stretch goals based on your reflections and progress.

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Type of Speech Ideal Your Current Your Goal
COMMANDED
Example: Words of Torah
FORBIDDEN
Example: False testimony, lies, gossip, curses
DISCOURAGED
Example: Brings no benefit to a person
DESIRABLE
Example: Praise, inspiring stories
NEUTRAL
Example: Matters concerning business, livelihood, and everyday living
SILENCE
Example: Keeping quiet, not responding